I'm so fucking centered right now
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
