the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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