He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
