found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
