I'm going to jail i love you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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