I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
