I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
