Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize