We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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