Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize