Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
