walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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