Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
either way he was missing a nipple.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
