butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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