Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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