get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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