i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
