I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
