I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
