yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
