she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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