A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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