Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My pussy is not your playground.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
