It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
