but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize