some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
