Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
