I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
