does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ladies don't puke and tell
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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