If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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