lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
