are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
