I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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