i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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