He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
