Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
