Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
