i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
