i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
