And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
