I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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