I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
