apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Banned from zoo.
Again?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
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my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
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Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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