but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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