Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
