I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize