i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
