if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
