She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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