Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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