Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
