I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
