I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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