I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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