you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
