Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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