You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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