I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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