i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
